Gentleness and Supporting People with Dementia

Intellectually, we know that being gentle with people is the both the right and the healthy thing to do.  It's good for the people we love and support and it's good for ourselves.  However, putting gentleness into action is not always so easy.  Being busy, rushed, tired, stressed and stretched can result in our doing and saying things that are less than gentle and border or harsh or violent. 

A school of thought in the disability world, described by John McGee is called “Gentle Teaching.”  Although we don’t generally consider the supports we provide to people with dementia, “teaching,” per say, the principles of Gentle Teaching are valuable principles to bring to our work with people with dementia. 

McGee describes A Spirit of Gentleness as being about …

·         Our non-violence

·         Our sense of social justice

·         Our expression of unconditional value

·         Our warmth to those who are cold

·         Our creating an environment where people feel Safe, Loved, Loving and Engaged

·         Our creating an environment of companionship with people who are marginalized

·         Our promoting community in a way that is meaningful for the person we support

·         Our decision to be side-by-side with those who are devalued

(Adapted from John McGee’s: A Spirit of Gentleness)

The Value of Community

Human beings are hard-wired to be "in community" with other humans.  For those who are extroverts, "community" is large and diverse, while the introverts among us may have smaller, sometimes less diverse, yet often deeper or more intimate communities.  Our communities are comprised of friends, family members, acquaintances, colleagues and people with whom we do different types of business.  Regardless of the size or the make-up of our "communities", they all have something in common--they are ours, we have chosen them and they represent what is important to us, as individuals. 

When people are required to move into an institutional living situation, like a nursing home, their opportunities for creating and enjoying communities of their choice are significantly limited.  This can, and usually does, have a significant impact on their perceptions of themselves as valuable humans, as well as others' perceptions of their value to the world. 

Isolation can occur at home as well.  As caregivers, we have a responsibility to work hard to identify the things and people that are Important To the people we care for.  We must help them find ways to stay “in community” with the people they love and enjoy.  At the same time, we should recognize that the way people engage with others may be different than when they were younger.  The types of activities they want to share may change.  The amount of time they share with others may need to be in shorter intervals.  The engagement may need to be less rigorous.  The environment may need to be less distracting.  It may be different, but it’s not less important.  What are you doing to help the people you love and support stay “in community” with people they love?